When Memories Hurt

When Memories hurt

|| Warning: This is a big long page of unneeded comments and remarks about memories that hurt, so read at your own risk || 

When I was young I had an amazing life. I could easily say that ages 6-10 were the best years of my life so far. I have so many good memories of friends, Family, and hanging out with my old bestie.

But somewhere along the road of perfect happiness that comes with youth, you have to wake up to reality.

Its like your running down a road. The trees are gently waving in the breeze.

You've been running for a long time now. Your whole life. But your still not out of breath.

Your running toward a castle made of clouds. All your hopes and dreams of a good life are in that castle. You've never questioned it before.

The sun is casting a golden light onto the world around you and the sky is a light pink with a musky purple lining. Everything seems perfect.

But then as the years pass, you start to slow down.

You start to run out of breath. As you stop running, and begin jogging, your able to look around more than you have before. 

Everything looks perfect. Too perfect.

You eventually come to a complete stop after a few years.

You look ahead at your castle, and it slowly begins to move farther in the distance.

You start running as fast as you can toward it.

But the faster you run, the more you run out of breath. 

As you run it continues to get father and farther away until it disappears all together.

You turn around and realize that you haven't moved. Your still in the same place you started when you were a child. But you were too caught up in your dreams to notice.

The breeze dies down and the golden, shimmering light slowly diminishes. 

Then the whole world that you've known all your life, turns green.

You finally wake up.

The whole time you thought everything was perfect, you were in a green screen.

And now you have to face the real world.

Yep, the life of a child. I miss not having a care.

I went though a stage of depression when I was 11-12.

Those memories are pretty blurry, but from what I can remember, they are tough times.

When I finally got though that stage I didn't have any real friends, so though ages 12-13, I was friendless.

Looking back 12-13 was pretty lonely, but at the time I didn't really know any different so I didn't care that much.

Now Ages 13-though where I am now are the hardest to remember without pain crawling into my heart.

When I was thirteen I still didn't have any friends (except online).

Which at the time, I was completely fine with.

I thought everything was gonna be fine.

But then something painful, and shocking happened in my family. 

And This wasn't the,"only for a few days"or " only a month" kind of pain.

This was pain that had to last a year. 

Not counting recovery time.

After that year was up, I had to stop blogging.

 I Threw myself into depression locked my doors to everyone and everything.

The only thing I let creep past my door was self pity, pride, Depression and music.

I've moved on in my life, which is good, but there's something that still drags me back to those days and makes me re-feel the pain that I felt.

Music.

I still have the songs on my phone that I had on repeat, that I would play, laying in my bed with the shades closed.

I stopped listening to them right after I moved on from that stage.

It had been months sense I had listened to them again.

actually, almost a year.

Not too long ago I decided to listen to all of them again.

Talk about the fire and the flood.

It brought all the pain, anger, hurt, and depression back on me that I had worked so hard to get rid of.

Was it worth the pain to just listen to a song?

To remember?

If you've read this far without skipping anything, Kudos to you, haha.

But I swear I have a point to saying all this, just hang in there.

I have certain scrap books, pictures, songs, celebrities, fandoms, etc. that all bring back extremely painful memories.

But I've learned something.

You can't run from pain. You can't hide from it. Life hurts and you can do whatever the heck you want to try to avoid the sadness and sorrow of life but it wont work.

Life is just depressing and sad. And so is the world. You can't avoid this no matter how hard you try.

I've learned that even though it hurts, waking up those memories that hurt, That make you cry all over again, is important.

I've gone though some tough stuff that I hate remembering, but what is shoving it down gonna do?

The more you avoid pain now, the harder its gonna hit you later down the road.

So the point to this annoying rambling: Don't avoid pain. Because hurting is what is gonna heal you in the long run.

And even if it hurts, let the pain take its time to work in your life.

Or if its happened in the past, wake it back up sometimes, cause it will help you heal and move on.

Memories hurt. But don't ignore them. Don't ignore the pain.

And I promise, the bad stage in your life will pass, and you'll be happy again. 

Alright, haha that was all probable extremely annoying but Just some thoughts I needed to get out.

Hope you all had a good Sunday. =)

~Ry